Emz

Emz

Female, Age 28

 

I was a member here a number of years ago and back then I was a mess. I was such a mess that I couldn’t keep myself safe, was not able to use this site appropriately and was asked to leave and trust me, the moderators had good reason to ask me to leave.
I had borderline personalilty disorder and like a third degree burns victim, I had no protective skin and everything caused me pure agony. I was almost always causing destruction to myself, not functional, unable to form meaningful relationships, in and out of hospital and was a black hole that would devour all the help people could give me, but not benefiting from it.
But I am like that no longer. Curiosity has brought me back. This place has changed, but as I can see, a lot of the members are the same. I’m supprised, given how strict this site became that I was allowed to register here again without questions asked.  All I wanted was to take a look at where this site is at now and to share with you a story of hope. That things do get better.
Since the time my membership was removed, I believe I have recovered. I actually don’t like the term recovery because for me, there was nothing to recover. I was mentally unwell for as long as I can remember… that was until 2 years ago. What part of my old life was I trying to recover when I had never really experienced mental health?
No for me, recovery is the wrong term.  Instead, I have grown, become happy in myself, able to sustain relationships and a career, have a life worth living and live skillfully within it.

For two years now, I have been stable. The pain I suffered for so many years has not come back to haunt me.  I have a skin now and it takes a lot for me to hurt.  When I do hurt, I am comfortable in it.  I no longer fit the critera for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, but most importantly, I am happy.

I no longer need medication, therapy, support groups or phone calls to lifeline to get through the day.
What I wanted to share with you all is that no matter how depressed you are or how much you believe that your life is a mess, it is very possilbe to come out the other end.

HAVE HOPE!   My life has done a 180 turn and so can yours.

 

December 2010

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