Velvet the Depressed Rabbit

By Vicki Kay
44 Years Old

The little velveteen rabbit stared out across the field watching all the other toy rabbits playfully jumping about in the late afternoon sunshine. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t bring herself to join them; they all seemed so happy, while she herself was not.

She couldn’t even explain why she felt sad. There was so much in her life that she had to be grateful for, yet this inexplicable sadness enveloped her in her own little bubble of gloom. Never had she felt more alone or lost as she did at that moment.

She sighed and watched the sun begin to sink behind the horizon leaving a hue of brilliant colours in the sky above. It was so beautiful, like a glimpse of Heaven itself yet the velveteen rabbit didn’t feel worthy of watching it because she felt so ugly inside.
 

“What is wrong sweet Velvet?” The velveteen rabbit jumped when her friend the Skin Horse spoke, for lost in her thoughts she hadn’t heard him approach.

“Nothing,” she shook her head as a silent tear fell down her cheek.

“It is a beautiful sunset, is it not?” The Skin Horse replied, knowing something serious was bothering the little bunny that sat before him.

“Yes, it is… beautiful.”

“Then why are you so sad sweet Velvet?”

“I don’t know,” she exclaimed as a flood gate of words opened inside her. “I try to be happy and carefree like the other bunnies, but I can’t. I can’t enjoy playing in the sunshine. I can’t enjoy watching the sun set. I just can’t seem to enjoy anything anymore.”

“Why do you think that is?” The Skin Horse coaxed ever so gently. “What makes you feel that way?”

“Because.” Tears now cascaded down Velvet’s face. “I’m not worthy of all these good things that are in the world…”

“Oh Velvet, whatever makes you think that?”

“Because I’m so… ugly.”
 

“How wrong you are, why with your honey coloured coat as smooth as velvet you are one of the most stunning rabbits I have ever seen.” The Skin Horse assured her.

“But what about my missing eye? The stitching in my side that has come undone where the stuffing pokes through? The patch where my velveteen fur has worn away? And that’s just on the outside. Inside I feel even uglier.”

“Yes you have some things that people would see as flaws, but that I see as having lived. Your child adores you; she has dragged you everywhere with her for many years now. Your fur has worn where she holds you, if she didn’t love you she wouldn’t play with you and while you would look just like new, you would have missed out on so much love.”
 

“I hadn’t thought like it that way,” Velvet admitted. “I love that she loves me, it has always made me feel so special, so why do I feel so ugly inside?”

“Let me guess, you feel like you are all alone, even when you are not. You try to think happy thoughts, but all you feel is empty inside and then you start to hate yourself because you feel like something is horribly wrong inside of you.”

“How did you know?” Velvet sat up straighter and pricked up her lop ears. “Is it that obvious? Can everyone see how ugly I am inside?”

“To me it is obvious for I have been there myself.”

“You thought you were ugly?” Velvet exclaimed. “But you are beautiful, kind, gentle and loving. You cannot be ugly.”

“I know. It wasn’t me that was ugly and nor is it you who is ugly inside or out. It is an illness we have that makes us feel ugly and self loathing inside.” The Skin Horse explained. “It is called depression.”
 

“So it’s not me that is ugly?” Velvet asked excitedly. “It’s this depression thing instead?”

“No, depression itself is not ugly either.” The Skin Horse replied. “It can help you to grow, to become stronger than you ever thought possible. It may seem like the end of the world now, but in time you will see that you are a better bunny for having survived it.”

“So depression isn’t ugly either?” Velvet asked. “So why do I feel like this inside?”

“No depression isn’t ugly per say.  It can only be ugly to those who don’t understand it.”

With that the Skin Horse motioned to the other bunnies who all stopped their games and clamoured over to where he and Velvet sat.

“Bunnies, I would like you to meet my friend Velvet here. She suffers from depression.”

Instantly the bunnies crowded closer and all began to talk at once.

“Why didn’t you say? We thought you didn’t like us and our games. If only we’d known…”
“Oh Velvet, not you too…”
“I have it too…”
“Let us help you…”

Velvet felt overwhelmed and another tear slid down her cheek. She wasn’t alone after all. Not only did the rabbits understand, but they’d been there themselves and they wanted to help her.
 

“Oh Skin Horse, I don’t know quite what to say…” Velvet wept. “How can I ever repay you for your kindness in helping me? I never even knew there was a name for how I felt, I thought I was the only one and now I find out that I’m not alone after all.”

“Go with your new friends Velvet, they will help you to heal but never forget where you have been and don’t be ashamed in talking about it. The more we talk about it, the more others will understand and it will stop being so ugly…”

The other rabbits all sing-songed the rest of the Skin Horse’s sentence along with him. “Because it can only be ugly to those who don’t understand it.”

The Skin Horse nodded as taking Velvet’s paw the bunnies all jumped off into the sunset together.

 

Shared with us by Vicki on 27th October 2011